We might know the reason of not surrounding ourselves with toxic people. But how do we know that the person is toxic. It is not the person who is toxic, it is their behaviour and our relationship with them that is toxic.
They may question our ‘over-reactiveness’, our ‘oversensitivity’, our “misinterpretations.’ According to Gale, it is common for toxic people to create drama and be surrounded by it, their dire need to control others, to get a lot of attention, be mean to others, be envious from others, bemoan others’ good fortune and be unwilling to seek help from others.
If you are the one who is continually hurt, or adjusting a lot with their behaviour to keep them as a part of life, then the problem is with us and not them.
1. They will keep you stuck in the maze of making you guess about which version of them you are getting
You may be doing everything to make them happy. Don’t make an effort to please them. These people have already figured out that decent people will go to any extent to care for them. If your efforts are no more working or are not lasting for long, it’s time to stop.
2. Toxic people will manipulate.
If you feel only you are putting efforts into a relationship, you are probably right. They make you feel that you owe them something. They have a tendency to find out ways that might hurt you and then concluding they were doing it all for you.
They will find ways to focus your attention towards them. They can go to any extent to make you care for them. Toxic people would never give but always be a receiver in especially a romantic relationship.
They’ll be completely lovely one day and the next you’ll be wondering what you’ve done to upset them.
3. They will make you prove yourself to them.
They will on and off put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else. Unfortunately, you will feel obliged to choose them. Their mind games you would never be able to figure out.
4. Toxic people never apologise.
Toxic people will lie before they apologize, they will twist the story and change the way it happened. So, there’s no point arguing with them. They will be so convincing that you will end up believing their fake stories too.
These are people who want to be right more than want to be happy but there are way better things to do than to cling with them.
5. They will leave a conversation unfinished – and then they’ll go offline.
Toxic people won’t take your calls. They would prefer not answering your texts. And in the process of waiting for their replies, you would find yourself guessing about why they did they do this to you. Eventually you will find out how unworthy they think you are.
And in the end they will blame you to be after them always.
6. Such people use non-toxic words with a toxic tone.
They would say innocent things to you but in a toxic tone. For instance, ‘What did you do today?’ can mean different things depending on the way it’s said. It could mean ‘So I bet you did nothing – as usual,’ to ‘I’m sure your day was better than mine. They would say anything to hurt you but in a polite way. Eventually you will feel that you are wrong and they are right.
7. Toxic people exaggerate.
They would generalize your actions by using “you always…” ‘You never …’ For instance “You always want more time from me” or “You never feel I love you.” It’s hard to argue and defend yourself with such people.
Toxic people have a tendency of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings.Don’t get caught into the argument. You won’t win. And you don’t need to.
8. Pathological lying and excuses.
There is always an excuse for everything, even things that never require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can interrogate them. They constantly blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time justifying their behaviour than improving it. Even when caught in a lie, they express no regret . Oftentimes, it seems as if they wanted you to catch them.
Your natural love and compassion have transformed into overwhelming panic and anxiety. You express regret and cry more than you ever have in your life. You barely sleep, and you wake up every morning feeling anxious and disturbed. You have no idea what has happened to your old relaxed, fun, easy-going self. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel senseless, exhausted, drained, shocked, and empty. You tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and finding some sort of reason behind it all.
10. Accuse you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally provoking.
They call you jealous after deliberately flirting with an ex, often done over social networking for the entire world to see. They call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for days on end. They use your reactions to gather sympathy from other means, trying to prove how “hysterical” you’ve become. You perhaps once considered yourself to be an exceptionally easy going person, but an encounter with a psychopath will turn that belief upside down.
11.You are the only one who sees their true colors
No matter what they do, they always seem to have a fan club cheering for them. The psychopath uses these folks for money, resources, and attention—but the fan club won’t notice, because this person purposefully diverts them with shallow praise. Psychopaths are able to continue superficial friendships far longer than relationships.
12. Idealization, love-bombing, and flattery
When you first meet, things move tremendously fast. They tell you how much they have in common with you—how perfect you are for them. Like a chameleon, they mirror your hopes, dreams, and insecurities in order to form an instant bond of trust and excitement. They initiate communication and seem to be fascinated with you on every level. If you have a Facebook page, they might decorate it with songs, compliments, poems, and inside jokes.