Do you find hard to trust people? Are you afraid to let people get close to you?
I get it. I have been in that shoes too.
I was always fearful of “Are you messing with me?” when I was around people. I too had the fear of getting hurt by the people who might have good intentions for me. Gathering faith in people had become the hardest task for me.
I would cut off from people because I could read their minds when they did one mean thing to me. My fear was so intense that my ego would fight people when they tried to get close to me.
Every time I’ve trusted people in the past I’ve been let down, so now it’s easier and less painful to just rely on myself.”
“When is the truth going to come around? When is the pain going to arrive? Don’t let them get too close to you, because the inevitable pain is right around the corner.
When you find yourself struggling to decide whether or not to trust someone, it’s important to figure out the reasons why. I would love to share with you some helpful things that have moved the needle for me in cultivating in trusting the folks around there.
1.Your ability to trust others associates with your ability to trust yourself
A romantic partner may leave you but you still know that you will be able to get along with life still. Similarly, your career may fail but you can try mending things back and carry along the things you learned from it.
If you trust yourself enough to have a general sense of ‘I, as a person, am appropriate to handle life’, then you know that no one can truly abandon you as an adult. If you trust your self, then you can end up learning to trust others too.
2. You are afraid to get close to people because you have had bitter experiences
You fear getting close to people because you don’t trust them? You are carrying many sad experiences in life which don’t let you hold people in life. You have been through bitter people. Chill! There are loads in that queue.
But just because something painful happened in your just can’t think that everyone is untrustworthy.
Be a bigger person. Grow from what has happened to you, and behaviorally do the more mature, self-honoring thing. Don’t let the story own you anymore.
3. You fear getting close to others as you can’t handle chaos
If you trust your ability to handle anything, then trust me you have no reason to fear other people. This ‘I can handle it’ level of confidence can do wonders for trusting the good chicks around.
As long as you are staying awake and listening to the lessons of experiences. Then down there you can find people who are good, trustworthy and worthy of being friends with.
Now, in terms of how to actually get to this place of strengthening trust in others, the following have worked the best for me:
a.Stop abandoning yourself
In the race of trusting people never ignore yourself. At every step think about yourself first and then follow the track of attracting people.’ If you chronically break your promises to yourself, you will find it difficult to trust the word of others.
Stop judging yourself. Live more in present than inside your had.
When you make others responsible for your feelings, you are abandoning your inner self. And stop turning to addictions to numb and avoid your feelings.
b.Do more work on accepting yourself fully- Accept yourself fully and wholly so that even if you meet an unworthy being, you can manage to let him/her off your life.
As Sharon Salzberg rightly says “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
c. Be more trustable
Make sure that your fear of getting left first not ruin the relationships. Be sure and confident about yourse;lf . Take a longer time to understand the person especially if you ant a romantic relationship from him/her. And believe that the next person is a person to be trusted and to be relied upon.
For example, if you’re horrified of people leaving you, you are more likely to leave them first. You think you’re protecting yourself, but genuinely, you are just guaranteeing the exact outcome you feared most.
d.You learn to trust by trusting
Self-trust doesn’t mean that you always believe yourself to say the right thing or make the correct choice. It’s not about perfection. Self-trust means that you trust yourself to overcome a slipup or failure.
Ernest Hemingway once said “The best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.”
So trust yourself first before trusting anybody else.